I’m not just a watch junkie. I’m a watch pusher. Case in point: read the title again.
It’s pretty bad, I admit. Like you, I love watches. I have this unrelenting need to read more, watch more (pun intended), and—dare I say—see more. That is, see more watches on more wrists.
I spend a great deal of my idle time on WatchCrunch, an oddly satisfying app for watch enthusiasts where men share pictures of their six- to seven-inch wrists. That’s the average, anyway. I should specify that these wrists have watches on them, because that’s the point. I should also specify that my wrist is a very respectable six inches and one full quarter.
Now, as much as I would love to see this hobby exclusive to men (it’s a boy’s club, okay?), I also want to see more of these watches on women, for reasons beyond convincing myself that this isn’t a gay pastime. But I digress.
More women should wear watches because it’s fun. Well, for me anyway. But I think many of you will relate: it’s not enough for me to enjoy this addiction on my own. I want others to enjoy it with me. Is that selfish? I don’t know. But if women don’t participate, that’s 50% of the population missing out right there.
What can I say, I really enjoy watching others wear watches. So much, in fact, that the next step in this totally rational obsession of mine was to put a watch on the very woman I live with—and what was once wristful thinking is now a daily pleasure.
When I tally up the numbers from last year, for every watch I bought myself (two), I bought one for her. And in the process, I observed something fascinating: whereas men can easily be shamed into buying watches, women shockingly need convincing. Unless I’m being outsmarted—which seems increasingly likely—I couldn’t persuade my wife to buy herself a watch under my snobby supervision. So, I bought it for her instead.
Skagen Signatur Lille Slim. She picks, I buy. Well played, wifey. Well played.
Now, she’s either playing 4D chess with me or just doesn’t care as much as I do, but either way, I see this as a win-win, because it’s sexy.
Okay, you’re probably thinking I’m being selfish again, but that’s one heck of a compliment, no?! Some might argue I’m objectifying, but the fact is, I’m being objective: women just look good with watches. Especially mine. Watches bestow upon women, just as they bestow upon men, a certain… je ne sais quoi. An air de confiance. A bli bli blou blon bla.
Photo of a woman ‘avec’ and ‘sans’ watch. The winner is very clear. Also, start learning French.
Women are already predisposed to wearing an assortment of metals on their wrists, so why not throw on something that’s actually practical? Energy crystals don’t count. Sorry.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way between the turn of the 20th century and now, we kind of lost that. We’ve strayed from what watches started out as: stylish accessories for women, a role popularized by Cartier. Imagine that.
But just as man’s gaze shifted from the female ankle to the female wrist—Victorian erotic norms be damned—the market gradually forgot its origin story and pivoted hard in the decades that followed.
The result? Women now have a significantly narrower selection of watches to choose from—and it doesn’t just suck for them, it also sucks for husby when he’s trying to buy a damn present. And holy jumping watch hour, was it tough to find a watch for wifey last Christmas. Granted, my wife’s a tad picky, so that didn’t help. Regardless, in my search for her “go anywhere, do anything” watch, I came to the alarming realization that the selection for women’s watches sucks big time. To be fair, I’m even pickier myself. I was searching for something that was:
- very her (aww!);
- not too expensive (don’t tell her that);
- quartz (stop judging).
But most importantly, it had to be made by a reputable brand. A brand with heritage. A brand that handcrafts every one of its time-telling pieces in the swissiest Alps known to man—in spirit, anyway. In other words, none of that cheap mall-brand fashion crap. Noooooo sirree! Her watch now signals my taste. My reputation. I can’t imagine a fellow connoisseur outing me as a horological novice over my better half’s poorly adorned wrist. I’ve worked too long to be anything other than the refined, sophisticated Baldassare I am today. So, I got her this:
Tissot Classic Dream, appropriately named, since she’s my dream lady. Score!!!
All this to say, more women participating in the watch-buying frenzy would mean more market share and, by extension, more choice. So where do men fit into all this? Be more like Abraham-Louis Breguet. In 1810, he created what’s often cited as the first true wristwatch, designed unapologetically for a woman. What a guy.
Fortunately, though, you don’t have to invent anything. Just buy your woman a watch. All you have to worry about is finding one that doesn’t hurt your reputation—or your wallet. But always remember: it’s for a good and totally unselfish cause.